Don't you send me to vm
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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