I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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