i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
