All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
