is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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