Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
