weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
