im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
As shirtless as possible
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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