He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
