I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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