the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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