Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
