He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
