I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
you never un-have a 4some
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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