i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
