What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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