Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
