my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
