I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I have aggressive nipples.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
