i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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