I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
