And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
