where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
