bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
