Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
