The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
