Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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