I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
