In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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