wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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