Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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