just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
