please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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