Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
