the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
