i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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