Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
All I want is dick and wine.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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