I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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