With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
she told me i tasted like america
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
