1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
