i was born a porn star she said
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
