I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
