I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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