why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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