I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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