do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
