we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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