True but thats because hes a fetus.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
