well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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