if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
