i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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