Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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