Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
