I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
